Monday, June 14, 2010


"Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for each other so you can be healed" James 5:16

Joel mentions that you reap what you sow. Well every time I heard this in life it was cause I done something wrong............."now you know you reap what you will come back ten folds". Well when you do good that also comes back to help you in your life. When we pray for others that gives God the chance to get in our hearts and souls to do even more changing.

I was addicted to drugs and my husband would say things like I wish I had my wife back. Well little did I know the drugs had taken his wife away. I just thought I was a mean, nasty person who didn't care about anyone anymore. Really it was the drugs who had taken over me. So, when I got clean and a little bit down the road Michael told me that he prayed every night that I would come back to him. There was nothing he could do but pray. He could have given up on me, he could have left me after all the nasty things I did to him but no he NEVER left my side and he prayed that God would bring me back out of the nasty place I was in.

Now I realize that those prayers he prayed helped me, God was listening and God did grab me and bring me back. I think Michael and God's team work was what saved me. I tried to stop on my own because Michael and I wanted to have a baby and I couldn't stop, that's when it hit me I had a problem. Let me make this clear......I wasn't one of these strung out girls, standing on the corner begging for pills, all I had to do was call my doctor. Back to my point....when I realized that I couldn't do it on my own I was so disappointed in myself. Have you ever been disappointed in yourself? OMGOODNESS......that's worse than my Popa telling me he's disappointed in me. Michael gave me the nudge everyday, maybe you need to go get help somewhere. That's all he would say.

Well I couldn't believe that I couldn't handle something....this control freak....are you kidding me? I am not easily defeated! Well those pills had me defeated and I didn't know it. So, day by day I would think about what I needed to do, Michael would talk about having a baby and I'd have to say "I can't because I will not put drugs in my body while I'm pregnant!" and that made me feel so low that I couldn't stop taking the pills even to have a baby.

Well the day came when I had a complete mental and physical breakdown. I knew what I had to do so I got online and searched for facilities for people like me. The next morning Michael was driving me to The Ridge and I cried the entire way. I was going to be without him and Jace for up to 14 days to detox. I was so scared, mostly of what my body was going to have to go through because I had never had to withdraw off of anything. That drive was the best thing Michael could have ever done for me. It will be a year in September that I have been off of those pills and I swear even when people talk about them it makes my stomach turn. I don't want to go back to that person, that addiction, that nasty ugly dark place I was in. God and Michael got me out of there. I owe them everything.

So, I have no idea how this blog post got turned into my story but I guess maybe someone needs to see it or hear it today so here it is. If I can get out of the addiction then anyone can. Life is too good to live it under the influence of something. I missed about a year and a half of Jace's life because I was on those pills. I was there but my brain wasn't, the pills really mess with the chemicals in your brain. Thank God for Michael and my addiction therapist that's for sure!!



Mystic_Mom said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us...bright blessings!