Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Sacred History...Chapter seven...

"He wrapped his arms around me and said, 'Marti, you need to know that no matter what we decide or don't decide, I'm never going to quit on this marriage. Even if we have to live with this tension for the rest of our lives, I will never leave you.'"

When I read something like this I still think "Whatever, no one is going to stay together forever no matter what they have to live with". I'm like the lady Marti in the chapter, she came out of a really bad relationship where she put her all into it only to get hurt. She thought for sure that the man before would never leave her but he did and it was devastating. So, in her current marriage she carries that baggage, scared that any minute, any disagreement, any little fight will lead to her husband walking out the door and never coming back.

I am more secure in my marriage now than I was before. But like her with any disagreement, any sign of any unhappiness I am prepared for him to walk out that door like we never had anything at all. I'm used to people giving up on me, leaving, choosing someone else, that's just the story of my life. There are very few people that I know and trust will be there for me for the rest of their lives and to be honest I hope one is Michael but I can't put a million dollars on it. Not because of him for any reason but because of my own insecurities.

"To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger" (Romans 2 7-8) "Married men or women who find themselves "falling in love" with someone else will have to continually make a choice to not act inappropriately and to watch their tongue. It will require far more than a one-time decision for them to maintain their integrity; they will have to persevere in righteousness."

In the chapter it goes on to say that the reasons we bail out of marriage is because it's supposed to be fun and easy all the time right? HAHAHAHAHA!!!! When the "time of testing comes" (Luke 8:13) or "life's worries" (Luke 8:14) get in the way of things we bail out. Like that is going to really make life any better. My life sucks so let me leave my wife and children for this other woman and satisfy myself. I really don't want to be a part of that wrath and anger the big man is going to have for me if I bail out again. I know now the consequences and I don't want to face them!

"If we have an eternal outlook, preparing for eternity by sticking with a difficult marriage makes much more sense than destroying a family to gain quick and easy relief. To run for relief, people are throwing away glory and honor that last for eternity. It's a horrible trade."

I totally agree that it is a horrible trade. Now I'm not saying stay with someone who gives you a black eye once a week or cheats on you every weekend with some hoochie at the bar. But we took vows before God, I made a promise to Michael that I was going to be here through it all no matter how tough it got. Well I bailed once when the going got tough but that was a lesson learned for sure!! I'm not going anywhere, I am not going to leave no matter how hard it gets. In the past his family has put so much stress on our relationship that I almost said forget it, I'm out of this picture, I am done with these people!! But I stuck it out and things are getting so much better with those who really matter. Oh, and I'm not trying to say that I was innocent in the family feud, but I have now learned that I don't have to worry about those things anymore. I married Michael and I made a vow to Michael and no matter how badly someone might want to run me off, it won't work.

I'm a trooper and I'm not a failure by any means. I don't usually let anything beat me, take me down and I am not a quitter!! I won't bail anymore, I learned a lot from Michael in our time of troubles. In church Sunday the preacher said you can see Jesus just about anywhere, in the people sitting next to you. During those times, looking back now, I seen Jesus in Michael's heart. For him to love the way he loves, hold his tongue the way he does, the patience and kindness he shows everyone. I used to see it as a weakness and now I yearn to be just like that.

"But our culture doesn't look at separation as evil, does it? It's "romantic". "It's courageous" It's "for the best, in the long run." Building a sacred history together teaches us to be persistent in doing good, even when we want to do something else. This commitment to perseverance teaches us the basic Christian discipline of self-denial. Once heaven becomes a part of your equation, the cost of divorce-God's wrath and anger, jeopardizing the future with a selfish attitude-becomes much too high."

It's good that in John 8:11 it tells us that the adulterous woman isn't condemned-she is simply told not to continue in her sin. Well I have been told! I most of the time do as I am told and this is something I will never ignore because I know what the cost is. We have to hang in there no matter how tough it gets, there is a reward in it. Not only for our souls, our spirit, but for our spouse, for our children. We have to set examples in this day in time and they need to be strong one's with all the evil that is acceptable these days to some people. I want my children to be strong in Christ, I want them to be confident to walk the narrow path, take the hard road with Jesus. I want them to know what real love is and how to love. Kids these I have never in my life seen such disrespectful nasty mouths!! And their parents don't say anything about it and most I have seen encourage the behavior. Jace better never act like some of these kids do because I'm not the momma that's okay with that crazy stuff. OH and if I were their mother....they would see God's wrath through me!

"Even if they betray us in the most intimate sense-God can use that occasion to draw us closer into his heart. And then, God can use it to draw others to him as well." "What really happened was by staying faithful to an unfaithful husband, Leslie demonstrated the truth of a God who remains faithful to an unfaithful people." "We are always looking at what our spouses have done wrong, but God wants to deal with our own heart first."

In that second quote is what I mean by I seen God in Michael, I seen the love of Jesus, I seen the patience and kindness we are supposed to have and give. He was setting an example and he did it well! I don't even know if he knows that he was setting an example or that I seen what I seen in him. I do know that God is working on my heart, he is dealing with me and my craziness and bringing me back to what I used to be when I walked the narrow path faithfully as a teen before I took the wider road. I am getting back to that place and I hope I stay on the narrow this time. It may be hard but there are more rewards when you walk the narrow!!